With all the hype surrounding the "Fifty Shades of Grey" movie, good and bad, it got me thinking about how differently people view sex and romance.
For those of you who've been under a bleacher or at a tournament too long, Fifty Shades is about a naive college grad who meets and enters into an "unconventional" relationship with a billionaire.
"Unconventional" meaning a little BDSM..if you don't know, google it.
For hockey moms/fans romance and sex can be a different kind of unconventional. Although, I just had a vision of something interesting with a hockey stick that give a whole new meaning to "slapshot"..ahem. But that's a whole other article.
Let's compare the two "unconventionals" shall we?
- The only time you want to be blindfolded is when your goalie allows a soft goal
- Date night is at the rink's concession stand, not a private ballroom he rented out
- The only thing tied up in your household is your money..hockey fees, hockey equipment and hockey coaching
- Your dream marriage proposal happens on the jumbo tron not on his parents' multi-million dollar estate
- High tech stalking? Nope. Just check the practice schedule, if you want to know where I am
- You want to buy me a fancy car? Better make sure that thing can hold a hockey bag
- Sexy apparel = woolen knee high socks vs silky thigh highs, and a hoodie instead of a sequined ball gown (although my sweatshirt does have some bling)
- Dirty talk involves hockey innuendo such as "stick" "five hole" "scoring" and "puck"
- A helicopter is overkill, you are just thrilled when someone else is driving your kid around
- The definition of "spanking" is when your team loses in a big way..not a pseudo sexual punishment
- A hockey jersey and a few scrapes and bruises is far sexier on a man than dark pasts, mental instability and a controlling demeanor
- When we think of masks it's goalie, not masquerade
- The "red room of pain" has nothing on the "smelly hockey bag of death" and its consequences are far more sinister
- And last but not least... I am not "yours" I am a hockey mom dammit, I can take care of my own shit!
How you like me now Christian Grey?
Did I miss anything? Let me know in the comments.